2months tak update blog !!!!
Adoi !! otak bercakap tapi malas nak tulis.. camner..
Anyway, too much mental attacked that is the main reason why this blog was not updated.. nak flash back ker nak citer mende lain, pun tak tau..
Flashback skit la ek.. stayed home most of the time macam orang kaya, tak keje but spent like i was paid 10k a month.. of coz the must-do activity – pool is a must. Literally became a facebookholics. The problem when i got nothing to do is i became very analytical. I think a lot, i assume a lot so another daily activity was creating fights with darling. In that case am not taking the blame alone as his attitude lately really invites the quarrel. Also lately, lepaking with my cousins and a group of good fun friends are another addictive activity.
And then come fasting month. I would categorized this Ramadhan as the most unlucky month for me and some who are close to me. Banyak kecelakaan seperti yang berikut :
- Darling’s house got attacked by storm, roof flew, house flooded, property damaged.
- Best friend’s car got break into, lost laptop.
- Cousin’s car got smashed, lost PSP.
- My car accident !!
- I got a job !
Ha ha ha !! got a job is not really a kecelakaan la of coz, it’s just that I don’t have any experience in this particular industry but since i am a good manager & my specialty is delegating, it should be easy for me kan..
Still tak de mood nak tulis nih but kene tulis nanti lagi malas..
Tgh piker what’s the next topic..
C’est La Vie.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
The 4 letter word
My definition of love is very difficult to comprehend or fulfill. I doubt tht it is ever exist in years tht i've been a person, maybe there are but from personal experience, i've never heard of it.. I want a perfect love. Love tht is shared only between 2 person tht are made for each other. Love tht dont allow any tears until death. Love tht can be felt in every heartbeat. Love tht is bigger than life. Love tht are special in everywhere exclusively to the couple. Love tht share sorrows and loneliness in betweens the happiness. Love tht does not betray. Love tht trust without doubt. Love tht is undivided. Love tht is not hypocrite.
I'm quite tired of crying at nights thinking about the love in me. But i guess if the expectation is too high, impossible is the answer. I tried lying but only fools lie to themselves.
Still i am hoping for the impossible coz i am not gonna sell my soul for anything less. I'd rather die....
I am hoping tht God will reward me for every tear drops and heart breaks i've gone thru.
The impossible is my hope or is it the hope tht is impossible ?
I'm quite tired of crying at nights thinking about the love in me. But i guess if the expectation is too high, impossible is the answer. I tried lying but only fools lie to themselves.
Still i am hoping for the impossible coz i am not gonna sell my soul for anything less. I'd rather die....
I am hoping tht God will reward me for every tear drops and heart breaks i've gone thru.
The impossible is my hope or is it the hope tht is impossible ?
Friday, July 18, 2008
THE DARK KNIGHT - roxxxx !!!!!
Welcome To A World Without Rules.
Why So Serious ?
Lets Put A Smile On That Face.
This movie way surpassed my expectations, better than I hoped. The Dark Knight doesn't just live up to your expectations, it breaks thru the glass ceiling of your wildest dreams !! Awesome ! The performance are all top notch.
Christian Bale owns this role. He is Bruce Wayne and he is Batman. He brilliantly personifies all the deep traumas and misgivings of Batman's altar ego. Bruce Wayne arrivals and departures in style, playboyish manner, emphasized the character.
Heath Ledger made a fine true Joker. Nothing short of spectacular, the pure psychotic behavior. Jack Nicholson brought the class to the character but Ledger brings in the seediness. To watch him walk away from an exploding hospital dressed as a nurse is my most favorite moment. In fact, all of Joker's moment are completely believable, relentlessly disturbing, nightmarishly cool !. Exceptionally twisted and brilliant. It hits the mark so purely that even Batman himself is made to feel like a secondary character.
Aaron Eckhart plays a hero who doesn't have to wear a mask. Harvey Dent, the DA, a good honest man who is willing to bear the weight of bringing down all criminals on his shoulders then turn to be Two-Face when his love one were bombed alive right after he told her, everything is gonna be okay. He put whoever played Two-Face or DA or White Knight, before, to frigging shame.
Maggie Gyllenhaal actually made Rachel Dawes character looks good even she might be considered a bitch for having 2 gentlemen wanting her in their lives. Lucky bitch ;-). She worked it well and brought back the character after Katie Holmes made it a wasted one.
Batman does some detective work this time around. Creating supercool devices (please tell me what model Nokia that he used at the Lau's tower) assisted by Lucius Fox (Morgan Freeman), the CEO of Wayne Enterprises. The Batmobile look like a normal kereta kebal in the old war zone. But the Batpod is considerably cool, the tyre besar gilerz makes it very stable.
Also kudos to Gary Oldman (Gordon the Lieutenant), Michael Caine (Alfred the Butler), Eric Roberts (Maroni the Mob), Chin Han (Lau the HK Mob), Cillian Murphy (Scarecrow, came out a few seconds at the beginning), Michael Jai White (Gamble the Mob), Nestor Carbonell (Garcia the Mayor), William Fichtner (the Bank Mgr, he was the bad cop in Prison Break S2).
The script was fantastic. The story moved forward at all times, interconnecting in every plot.
Cinematography is insanely good !. The camera did as much work communicating elements as the dialog did. I could just sit and watch this movie on mute again and probably still like. But, hehehheheh, maybe after a few hundred times lah..
When everything looks good, we have to look at the director. Christopher Nolan may be one of the greater talent today. He has not made a bad film yet but this film is his crowning achievement. We salute you !!
Just one tiny weeny issue - nevermind that the hero turns to zero and the joker turns to be the smart-ass, the heroin also must die. Hmmm, it's a typical men's world. On that note, it's not so bright in the men's world, eh ? Where everybody either dies or turn bad at the end :-)
I will definitely watch this movie uncountable times and a few times on IMAX. (Plus with all the density of adrenaline rush, multiple viewing is required). I will find as many Dark Knight posters there are to add to my posters collections. I'd probably buy the original DVD and will cut a "smile" on anybody who touches it ! hahahahaha !!!!!
p/s : I found myself imagining the Malaysian politicians that suits the characters in The Dark Knight :-). Even life in Gotham City are more freaking serious than our comical real life...
c'est la vie ;-)
Kembali ke asal...
Inna Lillahi Wainna Lillahi Rojiunn..
Azri's mom pass away on July 17, 2008 at 11am at HKL.
I spoke to Azri the day before. His mom fell down at home and she fell hard, hit the head and was in comma due to brain injury. Doctor confirmed that she was brain dead. Medically, if someone is brain dead, he or she is considered dead. Mommy (that's what Azri and us, all the friends called his mom) was depending on a life support machine. Since she was pronounced brain dead, Azri & family were given a choice to let her live using the life support machine or to pull it off. The only problem was that her heart was still pumping like a normal person. Damn !! I sure do not want to be put in Azri's situation, to decide on something like that. They also referred the matter to an Ustaz who said, dari segi agama, it is better to let her decide herself.
That saved the situation. I don't think Azri would live with it, if he decides otherwise.
God loves her more - she was gone on her on willing with beloved family beside her.
May God bless her soul. Al-Fatihah.
p/s : i spoke to lynn (azri's wife) on the funeral day. she is now more worried for azri as he is very very close to his mom. she really don't know how azri would live without his mom.
azri, my condolences to you and your family. be strong. take your time to grieve but not too long as you have your family to worry about. your wife, your 2 soon to be 3 kids loves you. we, your friends are just a call away..
c'est la vie.....
Azri's mom pass away on July 17, 2008 at 11am at HKL.
I spoke to Azri the day before. His mom fell down at home and she fell hard, hit the head and was in comma due to brain injury. Doctor confirmed that she was brain dead. Medically, if someone is brain dead, he or she is considered dead. Mommy (that's what Azri and us, all the friends called his mom) was depending on a life support machine. Since she was pronounced brain dead, Azri & family were given a choice to let her live using the life support machine or to pull it off. The only problem was that her heart was still pumping like a normal person. Damn !! I sure do not want to be put in Azri's situation, to decide on something like that. They also referred the matter to an Ustaz who said, dari segi agama, it is better to let her decide herself.
That saved the situation. I don't think Azri would live with it, if he decides otherwise.
God loves her more - she was gone on her on willing with beloved family beside her.
May God bless her soul. Al-Fatihah.
p/s : i spoke to lynn (azri's wife) on the funeral day. she is now more worried for azri as he is very very close to his mom. she really don't know how azri would live without his mom.
azri, my condolences to you and your family. be strong. take your time to grieve but not too long as you have your family to worry about. your wife, your 2 soon to be 3 kids loves you. we, your friends are just a call away..
c'est la vie.....
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
tiba-tiba busy...
these past few days, since balqis was born, my life suddenly turn from lying down at home the whole day doing dvd marathon (literally) to a driver to my new anak angkat...
she kene demam kuning so we (shah, elly, balqis & me) went to hospital ampang to get her checked up. after 2 hours of waiting, balqis kene admitted as the nurse said "dah teruk jugak la".
i left early as i have plans to go to JSD birthday party with my cousin. balik rumah, spent a good one hour making myself casually cute, went to cuz's house to potong fruits. her 2 elder ones, very-curious kids were asking lots of questions. "kenapa aunty potong macam tu ?" "kenapa aunty rendam dalam air garam?" "kenapa budak kecik cannot go to the party?" "boleh tolong?" while the youngest happily feeding herself with the fruits. i answered a few tolerated questions until am out of answers so i said "observe !" so, diam la kejab the kids.. until the eldest said "ha, i got it!" see.... you learn more when you observe.. ;-)
so, to party.. i met an old friend and many new friends. food sedap gilerz but my small tank cannot fit all.. lepak til abt 3am..
the next day, late afternoon, balqis is discharge.. alhamdullillah.. drove them back home and rest..
then i met up with my dear friend, rina.. we went to midv coz she wanted to send her pda phone for software installation. then we walk around looking for a nice fancy laptop bag. about 15mins before the mall closed, i found one nice bag, slightly big but just nice to safe-keep all my gadgets & cables.. am happy..
then we watch "hancock". hmmm, my review - ok lah. nothing to shout about, just a simple entertaining movie.. setakat nak lepak tengok wayang.. after that we head home..
a few day ago i gotta know that my cousin, wan, got a laptop as a gift.. woohoo !! scandal terror gilerz bagi laptop.. mana nak cari eh.. anyway he got a compaq laptop, the one that intended to get myself before i changed my mind to this hp tablet.
so yesterday, i went lepak with wan & his best friend wawa, to show off the new laptop. nice one, wan.. lepas nih mintak nokia communicator pulak ye.. yg tu bagi i lah.. am your most darling cousin kan.. hehehhehe..
today i got a few meetings to attend and tomorrow am sending elly, shah & balqis to kluang, to elly's mom's house. elly will berpantang there for a month or so.. see, i am a good friend and good godmother.. hehheh, in fb, i am rated top 5 as best potential mother. wait til i have my own.. arrr, dunno what will happen..
p/s : yesterday, i got this sms from yan - assalamulaikum dan salam sejahtera..kemungkinan diorg akan cabut life support machine mak azri bsok..sementara tunggu ahli keluarga yg lain dtg..so standby..mkin akan dikebumikan kat gombak.
azri is another good friend of mine. i was under his management the first time i entered the entertainment industry, professionally. his family has become like a family to the gang.
this waiting is the worst ever in my life..
c'est la vie...
she kene demam kuning so we (shah, elly, balqis & me) went to hospital ampang to get her checked up. after 2 hours of waiting, balqis kene admitted as the nurse said "dah teruk jugak la".
i left early as i have plans to go to JSD birthday party with my cousin. balik rumah, spent a good one hour making myself casually cute, went to cuz's house to potong fruits. her 2 elder ones, very-curious kids were asking lots of questions. "kenapa aunty potong macam tu ?" "kenapa aunty rendam dalam air garam?" "kenapa budak kecik cannot go to the party?" "boleh tolong?" while the youngest happily feeding herself with the fruits. i answered a few tolerated questions until am out of answers so i said "observe !" so, diam la kejab the kids.. until the eldest said "ha, i got it!" see.... you learn more when you observe.. ;-)
so, to party.. i met an old friend and many new friends. food sedap gilerz but my small tank cannot fit all.. lepak til abt 3am..
the next day, late afternoon, balqis is discharge.. alhamdullillah.. drove them back home and rest..
then i met up with my dear friend, rina.. we went to midv coz she wanted to send her pda phone for software installation. then we walk around looking for a nice fancy laptop bag. about 15mins before the mall closed, i found one nice bag, slightly big but just nice to safe-keep all my gadgets & cables.. am happy..
then we watch "hancock". hmmm, my review - ok lah. nothing to shout about, just a simple entertaining movie.. setakat nak lepak tengok wayang.. after that we head home..
a few day ago i gotta know that my cousin, wan, got a laptop as a gift.. woohoo !! scandal terror gilerz bagi laptop.. mana nak cari eh.. anyway he got a compaq laptop, the one that intended to get myself before i changed my mind to this hp tablet.
so yesterday, i went lepak with wan & his best friend wawa, to show off the new laptop. nice one, wan.. lepas nih mintak nokia communicator pulak ye.. yg tu bagi i lah.. am your most darling cousin kan.. hehehhehe..
today i got a few meetings to attend and tomorrow am sending elly, shah & balqis to kluang, to elly's mom's house. elly will berpantang there for a month or so.. see, i am a good friend and good godmother.. hehheh, in fb, i am rated top 5 as best potential mother. wait til i have my own.. arrr, dunno what will happen..
p/s : yesterday, i got this sms from yan - assalamulaikum dan salam sejahtera..kemungkinan diorg akan cabut life support machine mak azri bsok..sementara tunggu ahli keluarga yg lain dtg..so standby..mkin akan dikebumikan kat gombak.
azri is another good friend of mine. i was under his management the first time i entered the entertainment industry, professionally. his family has become like a family to the gang.
this waiting is the worst ever in my life..
c'est la vie...
Friday, July 11, 2008
Maryam Balqis
July 8, 2007.
elly was admitted to hospital putrajaya after her normal check-up.
July 9, 2008.
i reached the hospital at 1.30pm. already waited there since 5am were shah, the hubby & ayang, the sis. when i arrived elly just got out from the procedure room. dr had to put in the second dose of medicine to induce contraction. the first dose at 7.30am didn't work.
we had to wait at the lobby / cafe when the visiting hours' over. lunch & ciggy break, we went in back at 4pm. elly started feeling the pain at about 3pm. then her opening was still 2cm. at 5.30pm still no change. at 6.50pm she felt her contraction pain every 2mins so we called the dr. first the nurse were just checking the baby's heartbeat. it was amazing to hear like a music..
at 7.10pm, the nurse checked her contraction again and said she was already at 4cm so they were getting ready to trans her to the labour room. she reached the labour hall at 7.20pm. shah were asked to signed a "term and conditions" paper before being allowed in. before he could read everything, he was rushed in.
ayang and i waited outside listening to the azan maghrib. ayang just took the sweater and ready to lie down, me just did a mental plan to open up my laptop and go online. before i could get my butt up to get to my laptop bag, shah came out with a big smile and a loud and clear "alhamdullillah ! it's a baby girl. elly sihat, baby pun sihat"
holy god ! in just 5mins of pushing, baby maryam balqis bt. shahrul were born at 7.30pm, weighted 2.46kg.
we waited again while the medical team clean up the baby & stitched up elly.
at ciggy break, i had a talk with shah. calming him down, reminding him that a father's responsibility from my point of view. my 3 main points were to be a responsible father & husband (now that he saw the suffer the wife went thru during labour to bring his baby to life), to save up and get a car (my sole condition to help them get marry 3 years ago was to get a car first before a baby, in which they already broke it but nevermind as long as they don't get too excited and neglect their priorities), and esp for shah, not to become a bastard while the wife is in pantang.
at 9pm, shah were allowed in again to see baby & mommy before they were brought back to the ward. at 10pm, mommy & baby were transferred to the ward. at 10.30pm, we went into the ward to see them. alhamdullillah, baby is very healthy and elly is very happy.
at 11pm, we left the hospital and finally got something to eat. i sent ayang back and then convoy with shah to keramat to bury the uri. (thank you cuz & hubby, for helping to buy the ingredients for the recipe to clean up the uri). at 1am, uri was buried.
at 2am, i went for a very late nite teh tarik with my cousin & hubby til 4am.
july 10, 2008.
elly was discharge at 4pm. went back to their house to packed mommy's and baby's stuffs and we reached keramat house at 6.30pm. i lepak til 10.30pm. dah rasa penat and sakit badan after 2 days of non-stop action..
i am really really happy for elly & shah. balqis is a very cute baby and i think she's gonna be a good daughter as she don't meragam a lot.. welcome to world baby balqis ;-)
c'est la vie ;-)
elly was admitted to hospital putrajaya after her normal check-up.
July 9, 2008.
i reached the hospital at 1.30pm. already waited there since 5am were shah, the hubby & ayang, the sis. when i arrived elly just got out from the procedure room. dr had to put in the second dose of medicine to induce contraction. the first dose at 7.30am didn't work.
we had to wait at the lobby / cafe when the visiting hours' over. lunch & ciggy break, we went in back at 4pm. elly started feeling the pain at about 3pm. then her opening was still 2cm. at 5.30pm still no change. at 6.50pm she felt her contraction pain every 2mins so we called the dr. first the nurse were just checking the baby's heartbeat. it was amazing to hear like a music..
at 7.10pm, the nurse checked her contraction again and said she was already at 4cm so they were getting ready to trans her to the labour room. she reached the labour hall at 7.20pm. shah were asked to signed a "term and conditions" paper before being allowed in. before he could read everything, he was rushed in.
ayang and i waited outside listening to the azan maghrib. ayang just took the sweater and ready to lie down, me just did a mental plan to open up my laptop and go online. before i could get my butt up to get to my laptop bag, shah came out with a big smile and a loud and clear "alhamdullillah ! it's a baby girl. elly sihat, baby pun sihat"
holy god ! in just 5mins of pushing, baby maryam balqis bt. shahrul were born at 7.30pm, weighted 2.46kg.
we waited again while the medical team clean up the baby & stitched up elly.
at ciggy break, i had a talk with shah. calming him down, reminding him that a father's responsibility from my point of view. my 3 main points were to be a responsible father & husband (now that he saw the suffer the wife went thru during labour to bring his baby to life), to save up and get a car (my sole condition to help them get marry 3 years ago was to get a car first before a baby, in which they already broke it but nevermind as long as they don't get too excited and neglect their priorities), and esp for shah, not to become a bastard while the wife is in pantang.
at 9pm, shah were allowed in again to see baby & mommy before they were brought back to the ward. at 10pm, mommy & baby were transferred to the ward. at 10.30pm, we went into the ward to see them. alhamdullillah, baby is very healthy and elly is very happy.
at 11pm, we left the hospital and finally got something to eat. i sent ayang back and then convoy with shah to keramat to bury the uri. (thank you cuz & hubby, for helping to buy the ingredients for the recipe to clean up the uri). at 1am, uri was buried.
at 2am, i went for a very late nite teh tarik with my cousin & hubby til 4am.
july 10, 2008.
elly was discharge at 4pm. went back to their house to packed mommy's and baby's stuffs and we reached keramat house at 6.30pm. i lepak til 10.30pm. dah rasa penat and sakit badan after 2 days of non-stop action..
i am really really happy for elly & shah. balqis is a very cute baby and i think she's gonna be a good daughter as she don't meragam a lot.. welcome to world baby balqis ;-)
c'est la vie ;-)
Monday, July 7, 2008
new addition to the world
i don't usually get thrilled when talking about babies as i have had traumatic experience myself..
but,
happy happy news..
my cousin have 3 kids, asyka, amar & alysha, whom i promised to be the cool aunty to and can party with ;-)
my dear friend got 2 adorable nieces, iszahraa & sophea, whom i discreetly have a playtime with and love me a lot ;-) esp iszahraa..
my good friends, eric & felicia, just got their second daughter, andrea, a few months back. big sis, chloe, already gone to nursery school ;-)
my dear friend's cousin just delivered twins a few days back. a baby girl & a baby boy - inez & johan. sherry had to undergo a C section coz of some complication but all mom & babies are in good condition ;-)
my cousin's friend, rima, just delivered a premature baby. mom is ok but but baby still in icu..
my good friend, samantha, is 5 months pregnant after about 10 years of marriage. sam & ollie have adopted 2 kids, jodie & harry, even sam herself were adopted along with his two late brothers. she's in london now and am hoping to see her tummy before she delivers. god bless her ;-)
one of my scriptwriter for my recent play, redo1's wife is also expecting their 3rd child. she's not really well and i pray for her well being..
some of my school & college friends i just got to keep in touch back thru facebook are also either pregnant due to deliver soon or just delivered recently or at least just added an addition to their family in the pass year ;-)
my best friends, shah & elly, are expecting their first after 3 years of marriage. elly is due anytime now. shah just called me last nite to tell me to be on standby e.g. to become an ambulance ;-).. i am on call :-)
c'est la vie !!
but,
happy happy news..
my cousin have 3 kids, asyka, amar & alysha, whom i promised to be the cool aunty to and can party with ;-)
my dear friend got 2 adorable nieces, iszahraa & sophea, whom i discreetly have a playtime with and love me a lot ;-) esp iszahraa..
my good friends, eric & felicia, just got their second daughter, andrea, a few months back. big sis, chloe, already gone to nursery school ;-)
my dear friend's cousin just delivered twins a few days back. a baby girl & a baby boy - inez & johan. sherry had to undergo a C section coz of some complication but all mom & babies are in good condition ;-)
my cousin's friend, rima, just delivered a premature baby. mom is ok but but baby still in icu..
my good friend, samantha, is 5 months pregnant after about 10 years of marriage. sam & ollie have adopted 2 kids, jodie & harry, even sam herself were adopted along with his two late brothers. she's in london now and am hoping to see her tummy before she delivers. god bless her ;-)
one of my scriptwriter for my recent play, redo1's wife is also expecting their 3rd child. she's not really well and i pray for her well being..
some of my school & college friends i just got to keep in touch back thru facebook are also either pregnant due to deliver soon or just delivered recently or at least just added an addition to their family in the pass year ;-)
my best friends, shah & elly, are expecting their first after 3 years of marriage. elly is due anytime now. shah just called me last nite to tell me to be on standby e.g. to become an ambulance ;-).. i am on call :-)
c'est la vie !!
Saturday, July 5, 2008
Friday, July 4, 2008
p/s ; darling, i love you..
I miss the time when we first met.
I miss our firsts.
I miss you telling me you love me.
I miss you telling me you miss me.
Oh God, I miss you.
We're so afraid of age.
We do everything we can to prevent it.
We don't realize what a privilege it is to grow old.
With someone who doesn't drive you to commit murder.
Or doesn't humiliate you beyond repair.
It hurts to see you love another.
It hurts to watch your love switches.
Oh God, it hurts til I can't breathe.
I just wanna tell you nothing you don't wanna hear.
All I want is for you to stay.
Live our life together.
Why don't you just take me where I've never been before.
I know you want to hear me catch my breath.
I love you til the end.
I know what you're really saying even when you don't say it.
You're mad at me because I'm no fun anymore.
I'm always bitching about life.
What you're really saying is this isn't the life you wanted, is it ?
What if this is all there is to our life ?
It means this is it.
I know what I want because I have it in my hands right now.
Do you know what you want ?
Because you better tell me now if I'm not it.
We're not a mistake just because we don't have anything.
And we are gonna last.
You know how I know ?
Because I still wake up every morning and the first thing I want to do is see your face.
I get so afraid sometimes our life's never gonna start.
But we're already in our life.
It's already started.
This is it.
I'm not going anywhere.
I love you til the end.
Oh God, please tell me that I deserve this love..
I miss our firsts.
I miss you telling me you love me.
I miss you telling me you miss me.
Oh God, I miss you.
We're so afraid of age.
We do everything we can to prevent it.
We don't realize what a privilege it is to grow old.
With someone who doesn't drive you to commit murder.
Or doesn't humiliate you beyond repair.
It hurts to see you love another.
It hurts to watch your love switches.
Oh God, it hurts til I can't breathe.
I just wanna tell you nothing you don't wanna hear.
All I want is for you to stay.
Live our life together.
Why don't you just take me where I've never been before.
I know you want to hear me catch my breath.
I love you til the end.
I know what you're really saying even when you don't say it.
You're mad at me because I'm no fun anymore.
I'm always bitching about life.
What you're really saying is this isn't the life you wanted, is it ?
What if this is all there is to our life ?
It means this is it.
I know what I want because I have it in my hands right now.
Do you know what you want ?
Because you better tell me now if I'm not it.
We're not a mistake just because we don't have anything.
And we are gonna last.
You know how I know ?
Because I still wake up every morning and the first thing I want to do is see your face.
I get so afraid sometimes our life's never gonna start.
But we're already in our life.
It's already started.
This is it.
I'm not going anywhere.
I love you til the end.
Oh God, please tell me that I deserve this love..
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
tioman roxx !!
my hols journal (gonna write these in point forms, not really in the mood to write but better write before i forget.. sakit badan lagi nih lepas balik cuti..) but tioman escape was really really good..
fri, june 27, 2008
early morning, fetch wan & zhaf from sentul, drove to shah alam, sent zhaf to his college to register his new sem.
met darling with wan to take 30k cash from darling (final payment from wcit client after a streak of battle to get the payment.. payment cashed in at the nick of time.. phewh...)
had breakfast with darling and wan.
banked in all payment for production team. never went to so many banks in a day - maybank, cimb, public bank and rhb.
fetch zhaf from college.
went to low yat, bought my new toy - hewlett-packard tablet pc tx1316 :-) for RM3xxx.
waited about an hour for the shop guy to install all software & programme.
sent wan back to sentul.
zhaf got a surprise from petoum when petoum was in sentul instead of the initial plan to meet him only the next day.
went to klang with zhaf to fetch darling.
went to zhaf's house in shah alam to pack.
went to uptown danau kota coz darling wanna do instant shopping. we shopped til 12midnight.
went back home to pack, shower & get ready.
wan, petoum, muiz & qayyum came over to start convoy to mersing.
sat, june 28, 2008
start journey at 2am. 2 cars. wan, petoum & zhaf, muiz, qayyum, darling & me.
got stopped at roadblock coz speeding but got away with warning only.
stopped at shell sg besi to fill petrol.
qayyum drove all the way to ayer hitam. the rest of us slept ;-)
stopped at ayer hitam for toilet break & filling fuel.
off to mersing.
passed by felda and kampong road. saw tapir, memerang, monyet & pig ;-)
arrived at mersing at 6.30am.
got ferry tickets.
kak g & family not arrived yet, so we board ferry first.
took the first ferry at 7.30am.
took pictures & slept again.
arrived at tekek jetty at 9.15am.
stiven cheng, owner of juara beach resort drove us to kg. juara.
passed thru adventurous roads, so like a 4x4 challenge. quite scary but funny esp when went thru it with bunch of gay gays.
arrived juara beach resort at 10am.
lepak in the room - rooms allocation - wan, zhaf & petoum, darling & me, muiz & qayyum, kak g & family.
got our welcome drink.
lepak at beach.
went for lunch at kak long's cafe.
walk at beach.
lepak in room. slept.
kak g & family arrived at 3pm.
slept somemore.
petang, mandi laut.
dinner.
blackout !!
beautiful sky full of stars..
midnight, sand birthday song to wan but wan already sleeping & very blur.
went back to room.
sun, june 29, 2008
breakfast.
rent life jacket, gorgle & flipper.
island hopping, snorkelling.
beautiful sea, beautiful corals, beautiful white sand beach, cute fishes..
back to resort.
rest.
had a "confession walk" with wan. cousin to cousin talk at juara jetty.
dinner.
lepak in room.
carrom & liqour with abg wan.
business talk with abg wan. i remembered the conditions ;-)
got drunk very fast.
"confession talk" with darling.
can't remember what i said but remember crying a lot, got shouted by darling and was sent back to the room by abg wan.
these are what i missed - fishing & final euro.
mon, june 30, 2008
woke up, got hug from darling, but then fight again.
walk alone at beach.
went back to room, ok with darling but fought again.
darling went breakfast alone.
i was irritated by him and vice versa.
darling came back then we ok again.
darling got high fever.
went for a speed shopping with darling.
lunch. had the ikan yu abg wan caught at fishing session.
went back to room and packed.
check out.
stiven sent us to tekek jetty at 2.45pm by jeep. went thru the 4x4 challenge track again. reach tekek at 3.15pm.
board ferry back to mersing at 3.45pm.
arrived mersing jetty at 5.45pm.
did somemore shopping.
start journey at 6.30pm.
arrived kluang at 8pm. had dinner with abg yus.
departed from kluang at 9.30pm.
arrived ukay perdana at 11.30pm.
muiz & qayyum lepak for a while, downloaded pictures from cameras.
slept at 2am.
darling's fever got worst.
tues, july 1, 2008
got up at 6am, sent darling back to klang. his fever didnt go down.
went back to parents' house. lepak. breakfast.
went back to kl at noon.
slept til about 3ish.
went karaoke with wan, wawa & zhaf, celebrating wan's belated birthday, this time with cake.
dinner at ani soup, ukp.
reach home at 9pm.
slept.
hmmm, all in all, in was a very fun, weird but fun holiday. i had fun. i was happy til the liqour attacked..
i realized darling tried so hard to please me but one tiny matter can kill me. anyway, let time decide, if i allow it to decide, not if i decide first.
darling - i love u, thank you for a superbly romantic holiday. the first one for me and hope there'll be more, with u, of course ;-)
kak g, abg wan & wan - i love u, thank you for just being there. y'll the best bros & sis for this psycho brat ;-)
d'laharianz - thank you for making this holiday a worth while til the next one ;-)
c'est la vie !
cheers baby !!!
fri, june 27, 2008
early morning, fetch wan & zhaf from sentul, drove to shah alam, sent zhaf to his college to register his new sem.
met darling with wan to take 30k cash from darling (final payment from wcit client after a streak of battle to get the payment.. payment cashed in at the nick of time.. phewh...)
had breakfast with darling and wan.
banked in all payment for production team. never went to so many banks in a day - maybank, cimb, public bank and rhb.
fetch zhaf from college.
went to low yat, bought my new toy - hewlett-packard tablet pc tx1316 :-) for RM3xxx.
waited about an hour for the shop guy to install all software & programme.
sent wan back to sentul.
zhaf got a surprise from petoum when petoum was in sentul instead of the initial plan to meet him only the next day.
went to klang with zhaf to fetch darling.
went to zhaf's house in shah alam to pack.
went to uptown danau kota coz darling wanna do instant shopping. we shopped til 12midnight.
went back home to pack, shower & get ready.
wan, petoum, muiz & qayyum came over to start convoy to mersing.
sat, june 28, 2008
start journey at 2am. 2 cars. wan, petoum & zhaf, muiz, qayyum, darling & me.
got stopped at roadblock coz speeding but got away with warning only.
stopped at shell sg besi to fill petrol.
qayyum drove all the way to ayer hitam. the rest of us slept ;-)
stopped at ayer hitam for toilet break & filling fuel.
off to mersing.
passed by felda and kampong road. saw tapir, memerang, monyet & pig ;-)
arrived at mersing at 6.30am.
got ferry tickets.
kak g & family not arrived yet, so we board ferry first.
took the first ferry at 7.30am.
took pictures & slept again.
arrived at tekek jetty at 9.15am.
stiven cheng, owner of juara beach resort drove us to kg. juara.
passed thru adventurous roads, so like a 4x4 challenge. quite scary but funny esp when went thru it with bunch of gay gays.
arrived juara beach resort at 10am.
lepak in the room - rooms allocation - wan, zhaf & petoum, darling & me, muiz & qayyum, kak g & family.
got our welcome drink.
lepak at beach.
went for lunch at kak long's cafe.
walk at beach.
lepak in room. slept.
kak g & family arrived at 3pm.
slept somemore.
petang, mandi laut.
dinner.
blackout !!
beautiful sky full of stars..
midnight, sand birthday song to wan but wan already sleeping & very blur.
went back to room.
sun, june 29, 2008
breakfast.
rent life jacket, gorgle & flipper.
island hopping, snorkelling.
beautiful sea, beautiful corals, beautiful white sand beach, cute fishes..
back to resort.
rest.
had a "confession walk" with wan. cousin to cousin talk at juara jetty.
dinner.
lepak in room.
carrom & liqour with abg wan.
business talk with abg wan. i remembered the conditions ;-)
got drunk very fast.
"confession talk" with darling.
can't remember what i said but remember crying a lot, got shouted by darling and was sent back to the room by abg wan.
these are what i missed - fishing & final euro.
mon, june 30, 2008
woke up, got hug from darling, but then fight again.
walk alone at beach.
went back to room, ok with darling but fought again.
darling went breakfast alone.
i was irritated by him and vice versa.
darling came back then we ok again.
darling got high fever.
went for a speed shopping with darling.
lunch. had the ikan yu abg wan caught at fishing session.
went back to room and packed.
check out.
stiven sent us to tekek jetty at 2.45pm by jeep. went thru the 4x4 challenge track again. reach tekek at 3.15pm.
board ferry back to mersing at 3.45pm.
arrived mersing jetty at 5.45pm.
did somemore shopping.
start journey at 6.30pm.
arrived kluang at 8pm. had dinner with abg yus.
departed from kluang at 9.30pm.
arrived ukay perdana at 11.30pm.
muiz & qayyum lepak for a while, downloaded pictures from cameras.
slept at 2am.
darling's fever got worst.
tues, july 1, 2008
got up at 6am, sent darling back to klang. his fever didnt go down.
went back to parents' house. lepak. breakfast.
went back to kl at noon.
slept til about 3ish.
went karaoke with wan, wawa & zhaf, celebrating wan's belated birthday, this time with cake.
dinner at ani soup, ukp.
reach home at 9pm.
slept.
hmmm, all in all, in was a very fun, weird but fun holiday. i had fun. i was happy til the liqour attacked..
i realized darling tried so hard to please me but one tiny matter can kill me. anyway, let time decide, if i allow it to decide, not if i decide first.
darling - i love u, thank you for a superbly romantic holiday. the first one for me and hope there'll be more, with u, of course ;-)
kak g, abg wan & wan - i love u, thank you for just being there. y'll the best bros & sis for this psycho brat ;-)
d'laharianz - thank you for making this holiday a worth while til the next one ;-)
c'est la vie !
cheers baby !!!
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
amazing stupidity
what i experienced today was experienced by my cousin a few months back..
i was in need to go to the loo after a streak of journey to the banks, on my way to do my long awaited retail therapy. drove to the nearest petrol station, went into the toilet, happily relieving my bladder and ploop ! my car key went into the hole.. yeap, into the toilet, the hole in the ground.. without pause the first word came out from my mouth was "shit ! shit !" and scream my cousin's name.. her series just got contagious...!
also without thinking i put my fingers into the hole, took the key, wash both my hand and key at the sink and out of the toilet.. of course with wet key the remote didn't work. unlock the car using the key then yeah.. it kicked the alarm..
didn't really care about the alarm and everyone was looking at me, i did the most important thing first - washed my hand again with soap, wet tissues, hand wash and perfume.. luckily i got a bottle of water in the car and i use all 1.5litres washing my hand and the key (owh, and i just realized that the bottle of water was air zam-zam that mom gave me a few months back).. heheheheh, at least i know now that my hand and key are really holy clean.. ;-)
after that i start dialing darling's no, told him what happen, ask him how to switch off the alarm and he ask me to do something that made me just hang up the call - read the manual..
tried calling my friend, the previous owner of the car but no to avail..
ok, read the manual seems to be my only choice..
stupid manual didn't say anything about any switch.. i know there should be a button, just couldn't find it.. the only thing that the manual says is to press the unlock button at the remote.. idiot ! the remote is not working la..
ok, think.. was sitting in the car with the alarm still deafening my ears, with 3 patrol cars parked just beside me (but of course the 6 uniformed so-called pdrm officers didn't offer any help, so much of cepat, mesra & betul.. what rubbish !), i started unscrewing the remote, dissemble it and start blowing and wiping the water marks..
thank god it worked !! am so proud of my d.i.y. solution, and off to shopping ;-)
yeehaaa... lesson learnt...
c'est la vie !
i was in need to go to the loo after a streak of journey to the banks, on my way to do my long awaited retail therapy. drove to the nearest petrol station, went into the toilet, happily relieving my bladder and ploop ! my car key went into the hole.. yeap, into the toilet, the hole in the ground.. without pause the first word came out from my mouth was "shit ! shit !" and scream my cousin's name.. her series just got contagious...!
also without thinking i put my fingers into the hole, took the key, wash both my hand and key at the sink and out of the toilet.. of course with wet key the remote didn't work. unlock the car using the key then yeah.. it kicked the alarm..
didn't really care about the alarm and everyone was looking at me, i did the most important thing first - washed my hand again with soap, wet tissues, hand wash and perfume.. luckily i got a bottle of water in the car and i use all 1.5litres washing my hand and the key (owh, and i just realized that the bottle of water was air zam-zam that mom gave me a few months back).. heheheheh, at least i know now that my hand and key are really holy clean.. ;-)
after that i start dialing darling's no, told him what happen, ask him how to switch off the alarm and he ask me to do something that made me just hang up the call - read the manual..
tried calling my friend, the previous owner of the car but no to avail..
ok, read the manual seems to be my only choice..
stupid manual didn't say anything about any switch.. i know there should be a button, just couldn't find it.. the only thing that the manual says is to press the unlock button at the remote.. idiot ! the remote is not working la..
ok, think.. was sitting in the car with the alarm still deafening my ears, with 3 patrol cars parked just beside me (but of course the 6 uniformed so-called pdrm officers didn't offer any help, so much of cepat, mesra & betul.. what rubbish !), i started unscrewing the remote, dissemble it and start blowing and wiping the water marks..
thank god it worked !! am so proud of my d.i.y. solution, and off to shopping ;-)
yeehaaa... lesson learnt...
c'est la vie !
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
down...
i had a bad day today..
got up with nothing much to do except doing a dvd marathon - 24, prison break, csi, brothers and sisters, boston legal, one tree hill, desperate housewives & monk. more to come - criminal minds, hustle, smallville, supernatural, ghost whisperers, bones and more csi..
very unproductive week..
realized that i lost my ic, driving license and 2 atm cards. for the life of me i cannot remember when or where. instinct says it's somewhere in the house but i already tear apart my apartment and still to no avail..
for the second time in my life, am an immigrant..
fought with client about payment. contract says the terms of payment are 40% before the show, 10% a week before the show and 50% no later than 30-days after the show, which is due tomorrow. i received our first payment less than 3 weeks before the show and that was it. i was pressured by my team and of course i trigger happy too. for an international show and multimillion dollar company, i am hoping that the client would wanna avoid humiliation..
now is blackmailing time..
yesterday i got a call from my cousin and her bro-in-law, laughing their lungs out after looking at my photo which was taken at her wedding 12 years ago.
today my darling called laughing his bladder off after looking at my photo which was tagged by my senior in school. pix was taken 16 years ago.
i told my good friend that any of my photo taken from 1983 - 2001, if to be published anywhere, i'd die. she laughed her heads off too..
shheeeshh...
c'est la vie...
got up with nothing much to do except doing a dvd marathon - 24, prison break, csi, brothers and sisters, boston legal, one tree hill, desperate housewives & monk. more to come - criminal minds, hustle, smallville, supernatural, ghost whisperers, bones and more csi..
very unproductive week..
realized that i lost my ic, driving license and 2 atm cards. for the life of me i cannot remember when or where. instinct says it's somewhere in the house but i already tear apart my apartment and still to no avail..
for the second time in my life, am an immigrant..
fought with client about payment. contract says the terms of payment are 40% before the show, 10% a week before the show and 50% no later than 30-days after the show, which is due tomorrow. i received our first payment less than 3 weeks before the show and that was it. i was pressured by my team and of course i trigger happy too. for an international show and multimillion dollar company, i am hoping that the client would wanna avoid humiliation..
now is blackmailing time..
yesterday i got a call from my cousin and her bro-in-law, laughing their lungs out after looking at my photo which was taken at her wedding 12 years ago.
today my darling called laughing his bladder off after looking at my photo which was tagged by my senior in school. pix was taken 16 years ago.
i told my good friend that any of my photo taken from 1983 - 2001, if to be published anywhere, i'd die. she laughed her heads off too..
shheeeshh...
c'est la vie...
Saturday, June 14, 2008
anak manja mommy & ayah
commonly, when anybody knows that i am the only child in the family, the first reaction was "aaa, anak manja la ni"..
sheesshhh, i wish..
when i was still schooling my parents were not that patient with me. i got scolded, screamed at, kena sebat with rotan, kene sebat with belt, kena pukul with their bare hands.. i don't remember being slapped but am not surprise if i did. i melawan of course BUT never reported it as kena DERA. maybe that's how kids during my time were brought up. however we don't like how our parents treated us, we still respect them as our parents and live with it.
unlike kids, teenagers, adults nor parents nowadays. the teachers can't even touch or talk to their students anymore. if they dare to do it, the teacher will be transfered to some other state or worst terminated.
my real name is spelt in strange way, not how it normally does. so, my school teacher always write the wrong spelling. once in my primary school days, my dad wrote my name on a big piece of cardboard, came to school and gave it to the teacher.
once a friend ring me at home when i was out and asked my dad when would i be back. my dad's answer was "entah, saya pun tak tanya kenapa awak pulak tanya ?"
my mom would put in the best school in town, fetch me from school during her lunch break then go back to work. cooked for me in the dawn so i'll have food when i come back from school, entertained my friends when they sleepover, studied with me even cried with me when i am sad.
once, i broke up with a so-called boyfriend in college, i cried and cried and cried. mom came into my room hug me, said "if mommy can cry for you i would but you don't have to do it alone, ok.."
once my parents told me that when they are old and i am too busy to take care of them, i can send them to the old folks home but the expensive one lah and i will have to pay for it.. but since they have their own house, i will have to pay for a hunk and a babe to be their in-house maid ;-)
yesterday, my cousin & friend were talking about kids upbringing and she told us what her mom told her, exactly what my mom told me.
my parents brought me up with a very very strict environment, NO to everything, MUST DO to all the must dos and DON'T to all the don'ts. i rebelled but still respect them. teachers can scold me and my parents would agree. all are for the best of my education & life. it went on until i earn the papers.
when i started working, having my own income, my parents told me that they have taught me to be a person and that i can do whatever i want with my life with ONE condition - in anything i do, not to humiliate them..
i have to admit that i did, once. one thing that humiliated them and i do regret it. but they did not disowned me and we handled it like a family. that is why until now, don't anybody, not even their siblings try anything to hurt my parents. not if they wanna know how my sarcasm works.
45 minutes away from where they live, i don't go back as much as i think they would want me to. last year i think i went back only 6 times. this year the family definition has changed, thanks to my darling who coincidently live only about 10mins away from my parents so that makes me go back on weekly basis.
despite all that, now, for sure, i know that my parents are very very proud of me. i know these for fact coz i can see their happy smiles when they saw my car parked outside in the morning then when i got up, breakfast is ready. the only reason they ask when am i going back to kl is to know if they have time for dinner with me.
now i admit that i am my mommy's and ayah's anak manja :-)
c'est la vie...
sheesshhh, i wish..
when i was still schooling my parents were not that patient with me. i got scolded, screamed at, kena sebat with rotan, kene sebat with belt, kena pukul with their bare hands.. i don't remember being slapped but am not surprise if i did. i melawan of course BUT never reported it as kena DERA. maybe that's how kids during my time were brought up. however we don't like how our parents treated us, we still respect them as our parents and live with it.
unlike kids, teenagers, adults nor parents nowadays. the teachers can't even touch or talk to their students anymore. if they dare to do it, the teacher will be transfered to some other state or worst terminated.
my real name is spelt in strange way, not how it normally does. so, my school teacher always write the wrong spelling. once in my primary school days, my dad wrote my name on a big piece of cardboard, came to school and gave it to the teacher.
once a friend ring me at home when i was out and asked my dad when would i be back. my dad's answer was "entah, saya pun tak tanya kenapa awak pulak tanya ?"
my mom would put in the best school in town, fetch me from school during her lunch break then go back to work. cooked for me in the dawn so i'll have food when i come back from school, entertained my friends when they sleepover, studied with me even cried with me when i am sad.
once, i broke up with a so-called boyfriend in college, i cried and cried and cried. mom came into my room hug me, said "if mommy can cry for you i would but you don't have to do it alone, ok.."
once my parents told me that when they are old and i am too busy to take care of them, i can send them to the old folks home but the expensive one lah and i will have to pay for it.. but since they have their own house, i will have to pay for a hunk and a babe to be their in-house maid ;-)
yesterday, my cousin & friend were talking about kids upbringing and she told us what her mom told her, exactly what my mom told me.
my parents brought me up with a very very strict environment, NO to everything, MUST DO to all the must dos and DON'T to all the don'ts. i rebelled but still respect them. teachers can scold me and my parents would agree. all are for the best of my education & life. it went on until i earn the papers.
when i started working, having my own income, my parents told me that they have taught me to be a person and that i can do whatever i want with my life with ONE condition - in anything i do, not to humiliate them..
i have to admit that i did, once. one thing that humiliated them and i do regret it. but they did not disowned me and we handled it like a family. that is why until now, don't anybody, not even their siblings try anything to hurt my parents. not if they wanna know how my sarcasm works.
45 minutes away from where they live, i don't go back as much as i think they would want me to. last year i think i went back only 6 times. this year the family definition has changed, thanks to my darling who coincidently live only about 10mins away from my parents so that makes me go back on weekly basis.
despite all that, now, for sure, i know that my parents are very very proud of me. i know these for fact coz i can see their happy smiles when they saw my car parked outside in the morning then when i got up, breakfast is ready. the only reason they ask when am i going back to kl is to know if they have time for dinner with me.
now i admit that i am my mommy's and ayah's anak manja :-)
c'est la vie...
Thursday, June 12, 2008
therapy..
i quoted from my darling after i told him about the cyber attack - "budak spastik macam tu jangan layan lah... dia syok sendiri je tu"..
and i just have to do this, for the fun of it, wanna entertain the high and mighty side of me.. i googled my name and found something very therapeutic...
johndesilva.blogspot.com
KLPac peeps: DATO’ FARIDAH, thank you so much for giving us all the opportunity!
LINA HASBULLAH, the very definition of a super-cool woman! NICK DAVIS, for being more than a Stage Manager to us all! SURENEE & YUE MAY, thank you for doing such a great job on the publicity! SAZALI & THE TECHIES thanks! MIKE & IAN, thanks! Box-Office and Front of House staff, thank you so much! Hoping to see all of you again soon!
www.xanga.com
On Friday night, I was given the privilege to witness... BROKEN BRIDGES - THE MUSICAL.
.... After the show, Colin, who starred as Ming's father, Wong took us for a backstage tour of KLPAC! It was really nice, we got to see the dressing rooms, the backstage area and a whole bunch of other interesting places. Unfortunately, the assistant stage manager who admitted us in got a shelling from her superior :P We were a lot more grateful after that... So thank you, Colin and Lina for the tour!
and i found these on page one of google search.. soothing....
eddy's, none except for his own overselling blog..
oooohhh, am being sooo childish.. spank me !
c'est la vie !
and i just have to do this, for the fun of it, wanna entertain the high and mighty side of me.. i googled my name and found something very therapeutic...
johndesilva.blogspot.com
KLPac peeps: DATO’ FARIDAH, thank you so much for giving us all the opportunity!
LINA HASBULLAH, the very definition of a super-cool woman! NICK DAVIS, for being more than a Stage Manager to us all! SURENEE & YUE MAY, thank you for doing such a great job on the publicity! SAZALI & THE TECHIES thanks! MIKE & IAN, thanks! Box-Office and Front of House staff, thank you so much! Hoping to see all of you again soon!
www.xanga.com
On Friday night, I was given the privilege to witness... BROKEN BRIDGES - THE MUSICAL.
.... After the show, Colin, who starred as Ming's father, Wong took us for a backstage tour of KLPAC! It was really nice, we got to see the dressing rooms, the backstage area and a whole bunch of other interesting places. Unfortunately, the assistant stage manager who admitted us in got a shelling from her superior :P We were a lot more grateful after that... So thank you, Colin and Lina for the tour!
and i found these on page one of google search.. soothing....
eddy's, none except for his own overselling blog..
oooohhh, am being sooo childish.. spank me !
c'est la vie !
i need a wishing genie...
lately, my mind is playing harsh games with me.. chill !!
there's only 6 things that can make me happy now :-
1. cheque from the play i stage-managed in may
2. cheque from the play i produced in may
3. cheque from the event i emcee-ed last week
4. a good lepaking session with bunch of crazy friends / cousins / darling
5. a good pool session with bunch of crazy friends / cousins / darling
6. a retail therapy, alone..
okay, 6 is my lucky number...
c'est la vie !
there's only 6 things that can make me happy now :-
1. cheque from the play i stage-managed in may
2. cheque from the play i produced in may
3. cheque from the event i emcee-ed last week
4. a good lepaking session with bunch of crazy friends / cousins / darling
5. a good pool session with bunch of crazy friends / cousins / darling
6. a retail therapy, alone..
okay, 6 is my lucky number...
c'est la vie !
Attn to Mr. Eddy Rusdi
today i read a blog that personally attacked me as a director. it was a long one, and the word refers me as "pengarah yang meraban & tak profesional" (refer to http://artsloveddy.blogspot.com)
there, how not professional am i to state his blog add on my blog ?
my cousin said everybody is entitled to their own opinion. agreed. so do i.
before i give my opinion, i want to correct this boy for mentioning 'the actors studio' as when i directed this play i was already NOT ATTACHED with 'the actors studio'. i proudly claim that the production was produced by own company along with the production team. 'the actors studio' do not get any credits with regards to this production.
so obviously, eddy, you don't know any bits of my credential, so get your facts right before giving your opinion.
as a director of the play, of coz i do have some dissatisfaction about the whole thing. from pre-pro right up to the end of show. but i keep my opinion to myself as i appreciated everybody's effort trying their very best to satisfy me. from day one i understood the word teamwork, i learn that even if you have the least dissatisfaction, you don't complain. just don't complain coz it'll make the production look bad as a whole. or at least if you can't contain yourself from the dissatisfaction, you go directly to the face of the person you are dissatisfied with and tell them off.
in my 10 years involvement in events & theatre management, i did just that, makes the whole production so much better. we tell off or crudely fucked off everybody and the results were superb. yeah, not everybody can take that then maybe, eddy, if you are not up to it, then maybe arts is not your forte. boy, IT IS a cruel industry.
i was told that i was too hard on the casts. i felt it was a bit unfair (speaking from my own experience) because when i landed on my first job, no one, not a single soul gave me a chance on that matter. i was treated the same like other people in team, regardless that i was new. i was fucked upside down, leaving no rooms for mistakes. i have to step up aggressively to put myself on par with the experienced one.
ok, back to the said eddy and the play. my opinion on him (since he has a lot to say about me), to me eddy portrays as someone who is good to hold a character as a hero bangsawan. that's all. don't really know him in person, but acting wise, onstage, i don't see him fit in multi characters as he only has the very ancient malay look and cannot speak english to safe his life.
i planted the "real-life" concept in the play, making sure whatever they act onstage make sense to the audience and to themselves. eddy did commented to me about it during one of the rehearsals. i rejected, of course, as his comments were only good on theory, not real life.
i repeated my comments so many times on a certain issue of the play, which eddy refers to my not being professional. well, eddy, am sure if you directing a play and your cast repeat the same mistakes, you tend to repeat your direction. or are you so noble that you gonna just let go of the mistakes and let everybody do what they want ? you are the director after all. what's the use of it ?
another thing that i think eddy was pissed off about is the payment. giving business talk to eddy, in my opinion is close to useless. so let me just say these - business people have contract terms on when they should pay or when we should get paid.
taking credits for calling other friends to join the production or allowing us to use the studio for free was lame. we, the two directors, were banging our heads when we had casting problems but we did have a plan b. allowing to use the studio was your offer, eddy. the production has already calculated the cost of studio renting. yes, thank you for letting us rehearse in the studio for free but if you want to take credit on that, please, please, send me the invoice.
eddy also wrote about "jiwa" in his blog. jiwa, according to eddy was to know yourself. eddy, i hope you already know that you have an inferiority complex in you as you don't even have the guts or jiwa to even identify yourself in one specific text message you sent to me. what were you trying to do ? letting me guess who it was from and if i didn't guess it right, i would blame your friends for it ?
i do have plans to stage this play on a bigger scale. yes eddy, since you have the opinion that you are better than me, why don't you try write a play about tanah melayu evolved to malaya then to malaysia, a play that started from the 14th century right up to now, in 30 mins, must include narration, songs, dialogs and dance. owh, plus only 2 weeks of rehearsal with 20 casts.. come on eddy, you don't even know how to act as a civilian reacting to the tunku abdul rahman's character.
your 14 years and my 10 years experience, come on, lets do a comparison chart. 14 years of acting experience is that your standard, eddy ? for a first time director, even i don't think you have achieved the national level, boy. indeed, you are not yet strong and sturdy !
so eddy, i hope now you can swallow whatever i just said as i did swallowed your words. owh, and i also hope that your english is enough for you to understand whatever i just said ;-
signing off, the proud director of 'a case of belonging', performed at berjaya times square for the reception dinner of WCIT 2008 on may 19, 2008 - lina hasbullah.
c'est la vie !
cheers !
there, how not professional am i to state his blog add on my blog ?
my cousin said everybody is entitled to their own opinion. agreed. so do i.
before i give my opinion, i want to correct this boy for mentioning 'the actors studio' as when i directed this play i was already NOT ATTACHED with 'the actors studio'. i proudly claim that the production was produced by own company along with the production team. 'the actors studio' do not get any credits with regards to this production.
so obviously, eddy, you don't know any bits of my credential, so get your facts right before giving your opinion.
as a director of the play, of coz i do have some dissatisfaction about the whole thing. from pre-pro right up to the end of show. but i keep my opinion to myself as i appreciated everybody's effort trying their very best to satisfy me. from day one i understood the word teamwork, i learn that even if you have the least dissatisfaction, you don't complain. just don't complain coz it'll make the production look bad as a whole. or at least if you can't contain yourself from the dissatisfaction, you go directly to the face of the person you are dissatisfied with and tell them off.
in my 10 years involvement in events & theatre management, i did just that, makes the whole production so much better. we tell off or crudely fucked off everybody and the results were superb. yeah, not everybody can take that then maybe, eddy, if you are not up to it, then maybe arts is not your forte. boy, IT IS a cruel industry.
i was told that i was too hard on the casts. i felt it was a bit unfair (speaking from my own experience) because when i landed on my first job, no one, not a single soul gave me a chance on that matter. i was treated the same like other people in team, regardless that i was new. i was fucked upside down, leaving no rooms for mistakes. i have to step up aggressively to put myself on par with the experienced one.
ok, back to the said eddy and the play. my opinion on him (since he has a lot to say about me), to me eddy portrays as someone who is good to hold a character as a hero bangsawan. that's all. don't really know him in person, but acting wise, onstage, i don't see him fit in multi characters as he only has the very ancient malay look and cannot speak english to safe his life.
i planted the "real-life" concept in the play, making sure whatever they act onstage make sense to the audience and to themselves. eddy did commented to me about it during one of the rehearsals. i rejected, of course, as his comments were only good on theory, not real life.
i repeated my comments so many times on a certain issue of the play, which eddy refers to my not being professional. well, eddy, am sure if you directing a play and your cast repeat the same mistakes, you tend to repeat your direction. or are you so noble that you gonna just let go of the mistakes and let everybody do what they want ? you are the director after all. what's the use of it ?
another thing that i think eddy was pissed off about is the payment. giving business talk to eddy, in my opinion is close to useless. so let me just say these - business people have contract terms on when they should pay or when we should get paid.
taking credits for calling other friends to join the production or allowing us to use the studio for free was lame. we, the two directors, were banging our heads when we had casting problems but we did have a plan b. allowing to use the studio was your offer, eddy. the production has already calculated the cost of studio renting. yes, thank you for letting us rehearse in the studio for free but if you want to take credit on that, please, please, send me the invoice.
eddy also wrote about "jiwa" in his blog. jiwa, according to eddy was to know yourself. eddy, i hope you already know that you have an inferiority complex in you as you don't even have the guts or jiwa to even identify yourself in one specific text message you sent to me. what were you trying to do ? letting me guess who it was from and if i didn't guess it right, i would blame your friends for it ?
i do have plans to stage this play on a bigger scale. yes eddy, since you have the opinion that you are better than me, why don't you try write a play about tanah melayu evolved to malaya then to malaysia, a play that started from the 14th century right up to now, in 30 mins, must include narration, songs, dialogs and dance. owh, plus only 2 weeks of rehearsal with 20 casts.. come on eddy, you don't even know how to act as a civilian reacting to the tunku abdul rahman's character.
your 14 years and my 10 years experience, come on, lets do a comparison chart. 14 years of acting experience is that your standard, eddy ? for a first time director, even i don't think you have achieved the national level, boy. indeed, you are not yet strong and sturdy !
so eddy, i hope now you can swallow whatever i just said as i did swallowed your words. owh, and i also hope that your english is enough for you to understand whatever i just said ;-
signing off, the proud director of 'a case of belonging', performed at berjaya times square for the reception dinner of WCIT 2008 on may 19, 2008 - lina hasbullah.
c'est la vie !
cheers !
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
silent treatment
when i come into the entertainment industry, i was taught by people with extraordinary discipline & commitment. that was almost 10 years ago. it has become my lifestyle and i practice it in all aspects in my life.
my ex-boss once said after giving a 4-months-rehearsal schedule "no excuse for coming late or not coming at all. only acceptable excuse is if you are dying or dead".
so, i apply discipline & commitment in all of my concerns including my love life.. big expectations but simple to comprehend. how to find excuse for your lover if he told you that he's going out with friends and the next time you heard from him is 20hrs later ?
i can't, of course so hence the silent treatment ! mind you, for someone who is NOT stupid nor naive nor a nincompoop, i can find thousands of reason why he DID NOT inform me of his whereabout ! my 20-hrs worrying sick, the ball is in his hand now..
c'est la vie ! still suck !!
p/s : the excuse was - mobile batt died ! what ? two mobiles died at the same time ? am sure some of us would make a point to plug it to the charger after got home safely, spend 2mins to switch on the mobile and send one simple sms - "i'm home dear".
obviously it is something impossible for some people !
yeah sure, again, it's my way or no way, therefore one main rule in my endgame - i don't tolerate loose ends..
my ex-boss once said after giving a 4-months-rehearsal schedule "no excuse for coming late or not coming at all. only acceptable excuse is if you are dying or dead".
so, i apply discipline & commitment in all of my concerns including my love life.. big expectations but simple to comprehend. how to find excuse for your lover if he told you that he's going out with friends and the next time you heard from him is 20hrs later ?
i can't, of course so hence the silent treatment ! mind you, for someone who is NOT stupid nor naive nor a nincompoop, i can find thousands of reason why he DID NOT inform me of his whereabout ! my 20-hrs worrying sick, the ball is in his hand now..
c'est la vie ! still suck !!
p/s : the excuse was - mobile batt died ! what ? two mobiles died at the same time ? am sure some of us would make a point to plug it to the charger after got home safely, spend 2mins to switch on the mobile and send one simple sms - "i'm home dear".
obviously it is something impossible for some people !
yeah sure, again, it's my way or no way, therefore one main rule in my endgame - i don't tolerate loose ends..
Monday, June 9, 2008
Petrol Daze...
from 1.92 per litre to 2.70 per litre !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
my car's fuel tank capacity is 65 litre.. so if i were to fill full, i have to pay RM175.50.
that is roughly a week journey !!
so in a month, i have to spend about RM702.00 for petrol !
ok, the govt is subsidizing RM625 a year..
let see... - RM702 x 12months = RM8,424 - RM625 = RM7,799.00
who's gonna subsidies me that 7k ? maybe i should start selling myself...
sigh...
oh yeah, i do have to work..
plus other expenses on hand e.g. car loan, tel bill, hp bill, electricity bill, apmt maintenance bill, my f&b and groceries and toiletries, cigarettes, quit rent, road tax and insurance, personal insurance, study loan repayment, cats food, entertainment expenses, money for parents, car maintenance, etc etc etc...
with these kind of expenses i have to have at least RM6k fix monthly income, man.. and the prime minister ask us to change our lifestyle ????? does he even know who he is talking to ? does he even realize that in actual fact with regards to one lifestyle, nobody, as in literally nobody, is stupid ?? one choose a lifestyle as they wish..
what lifestyle do we change ourselves to ?
live in trees ? eat roots & grasses ?!!
ok, increase the cost of living.. why is our ringgit malaysia still low in value ? salary rate has not increase.. cost of products and services have increase tremendously but people are earning the same amount in years.. tak kesian kat rakyat ker..
we pay tax to build up the country and we also have to pay to live.. hmmmm..
c'est a vie !! sucks !
my car's fuel tank capacity is 65 litre.. so if i were to fill full, i have to pay RM175.50.
that is roughly a week journey !!
so in a month, i have to spend about RM702.00 for petrol !
ok, the govt is subsidizing RM625 a year..
let see... - RM702 x 12months = RM8,424 - RM625 = RM7,799.00
who's gonna subsidies me that 7k ? maybe i should start selling myself...
sigh...
oh yeah, i do have to work..
plus other expenses on hand e.g. car loan, tel bill, hp bill, electricity bill, apmt maintenance bill, my f&b and groceries and toiletries, cigarettes, quit rent, road tax and insurance, personal insurance, study loan repayment, cats food, entertainment expenses, money for parents, car maintenance, etc etc etc...
with these kind of expenses i have to have at least RM6k fix monthly income, man.. and the prime minister ask us to change our lifestyle ????? does he even know who he is talking to ? does he even realize that in actual fact with regards to one lifestyle, nobody, as in literally nobody, is stupid ?? one choose a lifestyle as they wish..
what lifestyle do we change ourselves to ?
live in trees ? eat roots & grasses ?!!
ok, increase the cost of living.. why is our ringgit malaysia still low in value ? salary rate has not increase.. cost of products and services have increase tremendously but people are earning the same amount in years.. tak kesian kat rakyat ker..
we pay tax to build up the country and we also have to pay to live.. hmmmm..
c'est a vie !! sucks !
Monday, June 2, 2008
naughty weekend
i spent the last two weeks with jack bauer, watching him in action in all seasons 1 - 6. then spent weekend with my darling, watching horatio caine and team in action in season 4 & 5. burn, baby, burn ! ;-)
after all my heroes solved all cases and my darling left me to wait for another weekend before we can meet again, i had to keep the brutal, naughty mood.
found these on the net. so, is anybody up to any truth about oneself ?
AQUARIUS
You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. You make the same mistakes repeatedly because you are stupid. Everyone thinks you are a fucking jerk. You enjoy sucking cock.
PISCES
You have vivid imagination and often think you are being followed by the FBI or CIA. You have a minor influence on your friends and people resent you for flaunting what you mistake as power. You lack confidence and are a general dipshit.
ARIES
You are a pioneer type and think most people are dickheads. You are quick to reprimand, impatient and scornful of advice. You do nothing but piss off everyone you come into contact with. You are a prick.
TAURUS
You are practical and persistent. You have a dogged determination and stick-to-it-ivness because you never do anything right the first time. Most people think you are stubborn and bull-headed. You are nothing but a fucking asshole.
GEMINI
You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you because you are bisexual. You are inclined to expect too much for too little. This mens you are a cheap bastard. Gemini's are notorious for thriving in incest.
CANCER
You are sympathetic and understanding to other people's problems which makes you a sucker. You always keep putting things off. This is why you will always be on welfare and won't be worth a shit. Everybody in prison is a Cancer.
LEO
You consider yourself a born leader. Everyone thinks you are an idiot. Most Leo's are bullies. You are vain and cannot tolerate honest criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo's are thieving mother-fuckers and enjoy masturbating more than sex.
VIRGO
You are the logical type ad hate disorder. You shit-picking attitute is sickening to your co-workers. You are cold and unemotional and often fall asleep while fucking. Virgo's make good bus drivers and pimps.
LIBRA
You are the artistic type and have a difficult time with reality. If you are male, you probably queer. Chances for employment and monetary gain are nil. Most Libra women are whores. All Libra's die of veneral disease.
SCORPIO
The worst of the lot. You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of you total lack of ethics. You are perfect son-of-a-bitch. Most Scorpio's are murdered.
SAGITTARIUS
You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely on luck since you have no talent. The majority of Sagi's are drunks. You are indeed a worthless piece of shit.
CARPICORN
You are conservative and are afraid of taking risks. You are basically a chicken-shit. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance. You should kill yourself.
hmmmm.... hey, don't shoot me, i am just the messenger...
c'est la vie !
cheers !!
after all my heroes solved all cases and my darling left me to wait for another weekend before we can meet again, i had to keep the brutal, naughty mood.
found these on the net. so, is anybody up to any truth about oneself ?
AQUARIUS
You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. You make the same mistakes repeatedly because you are stupid. Everyone thinks you are a fucking jerk. You enjoy sucking cock.
PISCES
You have vivid imagination and often think you are being followed by the FBI or CIA. You have a minor influence on your friends and people resent you for flaunting what you mistake as power. You lack confidence and are a general dipshit.
ARIES
You are a pioneer type and think most people are dickheads. You are quick to reprimand, impatient and scornful of advice. You do nothing but piss off everyone you come into contact with. You are a prick.
TAURUS
You are practical and persistent. You have a dogged determination and stick-to-it-ivness because you never do anything right the first time. Most people think you are stubborn and bull-headed. You are nothing but a fucking asshole.
GEMINI
You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you because you are bisexual. You are inclined to expect too much for too little. This mens you are a cheap bastard. Gemini's are notorious for thriving in incest.
CANCER
You are sympathetic and understanding to other people's problems which makes you a sucker. You always keep putting things off. This is why you will always be on welfare and won't be worth a shit. Everybody in prison is a Cancer.
LEO
You consider yourself a born leader. Everyone thinks you are an idiot. Most Leo's are bullies. You are vain and cannot tolerate honest criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo's are thieving mother-fuckers and enjoy masturbating more than sex.
VIRGO
You are the logical type ad hate disorder. You shit-picking attitute is sickening to your co-workers. You are cold and unemotional and often fall asleep while fucking. Virgo's make good bus drivers and pimps.
LIBRA
You are the artistic type and have a difficult time with reality. If you are male, you probably queer. Chances for employment and monetary gain are nil. Most Libra women are whores. All Libra's die of veneral disease.
SCORPIO
The worst of the lot. You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of you total lack of ethics. You are perfect son-of-a-bitch. Most Scorpio's are murdered.
SAGITTARIUS
You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely on luck since you have no talent. The majority of Sagi's are drunks. You are indeed a worthless piece of shit.
CARPICORN
You are conservative and are afraid of taking risks. You are basically a chicken-shit. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance. You should kill yourself.
hmmmm.... hey, don't shoot me, i am just the messenger...
c'est la vie !
cheers !!
Thursday, May 29, 2008
school uniform - sexy... (huh ?? *sigh*)
WHEN Munirah Bahari of National Islamic Students Associaton of Malaysia made a statement that our school uniform is sexy, i sigh....
ok, she may have reasons to believe what she belief and i wonder what.
Victims of rape and sexual harassment are not necessarily the ones wearing sexy outfits as even those clad in tudung also become victims.
It is not a matter of age either as even infants and grandmas have fallen victim to such crime. Even the disabled are not spared, while the worst is raping their own daughters.
Eventho i wanna believe that Munirah might have some points, i just couldn't. It has nothing to do with clothings. Imagine this - let say a naked woman walk in a public, men will pop out their eyes and cheers. No one will gang bang her. But why when a fully covered woman walk by, she gets rape. It's simply how the mind of a rapist works. It's their imagination. If a woman is covered from head to toe, a man will imaginatively strip her off. It's just how a sick mind work.
I was raped by a colleague seven years ago simply because he didn't "get it" from his wife during maternity period. That day i dressed up like millions of other girls in the world dressed up - a tshirt and jeans. Seven years ago i was quite chubby and overly-conscious about showing off my fats, therefore the tshirt and jeans i wore was baggy. See, it has nothing to do with being sexy.
I have lost many many kgs since then and i can proudly say that i look so much better now. Using sexy clothes, i still know how to carry myself and learn more on how to protect myself. Again, it has got nothing to do with being sexy !!
If a rape happen, why not we just blame the rapist ? why don't we implement higher mandatory sentence on the rapist ? why must we blame the victim on what she chose to wear ?
if munirah wanna go religious and say it's compulsory for a muslim female to use tudung or tutup aurat, ok, i'll waive my white flag but don't go around saying because we are not covered, we'll get rape.
And mind you, i don't have any slightest respect to those who are bertudung unless proven to me that they earn my respect. If you wanna use tudung then carry the image to the T. Don't just use tudung and still hold hands with your boyfriend - hold hands with non-muhrim is also haram as haram as tak tutup aurat. That i consider lying to yourself a.k.a hypocrite.
Ok, let's not go deep into the religion, but if anybody wanna debate with me about the religion, be my guest. I know what is written in the Al-Quran.
Back to being sexy, girls, just be who you are, don't have to pretend to be someone that others want you to be. Use whatever you are comfortable with.
As to avoid rape, learn tactics on how to counter if were to be attacked, keep small "weapon" handy e.g. pepper spray, nail clipper, whistle, pens etc.. Avoid walking alone at quite areas, avoid obvious routines... There are other aspects to be considered rather than just clothings.
May God bless us all..
c'est la vie !
cheers !
ok, she may have reasons to believe what she belief and i wonder what.
Victims of rape and sexual harassment are not necessarily the ones wearing sexy outfits as even those clad in tudung also become victims.
It is not a matter of age either as even infants and grandmas have fallen victim to such crime. Even the disabled are not spared, while the worst is raping their own daughters.
Eventho i wanna believe that Munirah might have some points, i just couldn't. It has nothing to do with clothings. Imagine this - let say a naked woman walk in a public, men will pop out their eyes and cheers. No one will gang bang her. But why when a fully covered woman walk by, she gets rape. It's simply how the mind of a rapist works. It's their imagination. If a woman is covered from head to toe, a man will imaginatively strip her off. It's just how a sick mind work.
I was raped by a colleague seven years ago simply because he didn't "get it" from his wife during maternity period. That day i dressed up like millions of other girls in the world dressed up - a tshirt and jeans. Seven years ago i was quite chubby and overly-conscious about showing off my fats, therefore the tshirt and jeans i wore was baggy. See, it has nothing to do with being sexy.
I have lost many many kgs since then and i can proudly say that i look so much better now. Using sexy clothes, i still know how to carry myself and learn more on how to protect myself. Again, it has got nothing to do with being sexy !!
If a rape happen, why not we just blame the rapist ? why don't we implement higher mandatory sentence on the rapist ? why must we blame the victim on what she chose to wear ?
if munirah wanna go religious and say it's compulsory for a muslim female to use tudung or tutup aurat, ok, i'll waive my white flag but don't go around saying because we are not covered, we'll get rape.
And mind you, i don't have any slightest respect to those who are bertudung unless proven to me that they earn my respect. If you wanna use tudung then carry the image to the T. Don't just use tudung and still hold hands with your boyfriend - hold hands with non-muhrim is also haram as haram as tak tutup aurat. That i consider lying to yourself a.k.a hypocrite.
Ok, let's not go deep into the religion, but if anybody wanna debate with me about the religion, be my guest. I know what is written in the Al-Quran.
Back to being sexy, girls, just be who you are, don't have to pretend to be someone that others want you to be. Use whatever you are comfortable with.
As to avoid rape, learn tactics on how to counter if were to be attacked, keep small "weapon" handy e.g. pepper spray, nail clipper, whistle, pens etc.. Avoid walking alone at quite areas, avoid obvious routines... There are other aspects to be considered rather than just clothings.
May God bless us all..
c'est la vie !
cheers !
Monday, May 26, 2008
it's my way or no way !
sound bitter, huh ?!.. my exact sentiment.
i have been who i am and what i want to be for as long as i want it to be. came along someone whom i love so much, trying to change me, how to handle that ?
from the day i first started having a career until now, i have hold positions like events coordinator to events executive to events manager to stage manager to production manager to assistant producer to stage director to director to artistic director and now as events director and executive producer. i don't see the reason why i cannot berlagak a bit and proudly claim that i have achieved and still striving to achieve the very best in my life. so please understand why my work ethic is drastically aggressive and my level of expectation is extremely high.
i can also safely say that whoever is involved in my personal life, if not with a heart like a stone, would not be able to work professionally with me.
but i have high respect for those who can.
thru my school & college years, ten years in events management and three years in theatre management, i did not have a lot of friends. maybe because i was born with sarcasm. some friendship destroyed along the line. some professional relationship did turn into personal friendship, vice versa.
to name a few - rina, eric, azri, gavin, fang, wandi, aie, shah, zaff, petom, kak g, wan & saiful.
recently i entered a new era in my life, making my directorial debut in stage play, performed at a reception dinner for the prestigious World Congress of IT 2008 at berjaya times square. titled "a case of belonging" was staged by 20 talented actors/actresses/dancers gathered from um, uitm, aswara, dbkl & mppj. credits goes to the followings ::
exec. producer / director / artistic director / stage director / scriptwriter :: lina hasbullah
co producer /co - director :: saiful yahaya
choreographer / wardrobe master / make up :: hadi
scriptwriter / lyricist / production manager :: normi suffian
scriptwriter :: ahmad ridhuan
sound engineer / sound operator :: aie'z quest
lighting designer :: lim ang swee
sound engineer / lighting operator :: wandi quest
props master / stage manager :: ridzuan azimi
stage manager / wardrobe assistant :: fairuz rahman
stage manager / wardrobe assistant :: zharif safian
make up :: ain
follow spot operator :: zenn quest
videographer :: am nasir
photographer :: gary ooi
legal advisor :: rina rizal
casts :: shah, keyown, salleh, adeq, eddy rusdi, fairuz, sharon sharafina, che zehan, roy, lydya, nabila, ena, bya, hanz, kash, kl, abby, liyana, siew boon & chan.
these are the family that we created in less than a month..
ok, my point back to my question.. - mr. s..
working with me, i think, has made him a bit more stressful than he always get normally. i do love him a lot as himself but, of course there's a but.. hmmm... his expectation to me, professionally and personally is a bit weird for me to handle, considering the fact that i do not have to face personal relationship at work for the past, hmm, many many years..
who to change for who, remains the issue up to now.. him being what he is and me being what i am, agreeing in the middle is almost impossible. we did spoke about things whenever problems happened but knowing him, he still cannot comprehend my ways and of course, knowing myself, i too cannot comprehend his ways.
at this point, i don't know how to sustain his love to me as i am only living on thin line of hope. selfish hope that i am and will be the one and only.
i guess working together is not a good idea but the combination of our ideology on ideas are not bad at all. in fact it has proven a success despite the yelling and crying and burnt out talks. again, there's a conflict.
at this moment, i have a secret dream. hopefully it will come true in years to come. and in years to come, we probably can meet in a middle of understanding. maturity and normality can probably reveal more about ourselves. at this moment, i learn that i can love mr. s more and more everyday. at certain point, i am afraid that if he do not feel the same and if someday i'll be the one who is pushing him away.
i still do not know the answer to all my questions but i hope love will conquer all.
cut out my tongue, tear out my hair, cut off my limbs, but leave me my love, i would rather have lost my legs, pulled out my teeth, gouged out my eyes, than lost my love..........
i have been who i am and what i want to be for as long as i want it to be. came along someone whom i love so much, trying to change me, how to handle that ?
from the day i first started having a career until now, i have hold positions like events coordinator to events executive to events manager to stage manager to production manager to assistant producer to stage director to director to artistic director and now as events director and executive producer. i don't see the reason why i cannot berlagak a bit and proudly claim that i have achieved and still striving to achieve the very best in my life. so please understand why my work ethic is drastically aggressive and my level of expectation is extremely high.
i can also safely say that whoever is involved in my personal life, if not with a heart like a stone, would not be able to work professionally with me.
but i have high respect for those who can.
thru my school & college years, ten years in events management and three years in theatre management, i did not have a lot of friends. maybe because i was born with sarcasm. some friendship destroyed along the line. some professional relationship did turn into personal friendship, vice versa.
to name a few - rina, eric, azri, gavin, fang, wandi, aie, shah, zaff, petom, kak g, wan & saiful.
recently i entered a new era in my life, making my directorial debut in stage play, performed at a reception dinner for the prestigious World Congress of IT 2008 at berjaya times square. titled "a case of belonging" was staged by 20 talented actors/actresses/dancers gathered from um, uitm, aswara, dbkl & mppj. credits goes to the followings ::
exec. producer / director / artistic director / stage director / scriptwriter :: lina hasbullah
co producer /co - director :: saiful yahaya
choreographer / wardrobe master / make up :: hadi
scriptwriter / lyricist / production manager :: normi suffian
scriptwriter :: ahmad ridhuan
sound engineer / sound operator :: aie'z quest
lighting designer :: lim ang swee
sound engineer / lighting operator :: wandi quest
props master / stage manager :: ridzuan azimi
stage manager / wardrobe assistant :: fairuz rahman
stage manager / wardrobe assistant :: zharif safian
make up :: ain
follow spot operator :: zenn quest
videographer :: am nasir
photographer :: gary ooi
legal advisor :: rina rizal
casts :: shah, keyown, salleh, adeq, eddy rusdi, fairuz, sharon sharafina, che zehan, roy, lydya, nabila, ena, bya, hanz, kash, kl, abby, liyana, siew boon & chan.
these are the family that we created in less than a month..
ok, my point back to my question.. - mr. s..
working with me, i think, has made him a bit more stressful than he always get normally. i do love him a lot as himself but, of course there's a but.. hmmm... his expectation to me, professionally and personally is a bit weird for me to handle, considering the fact that i do not have to face personal relationship at work for the past, hmm, many many years..
who to change for who, remains the issue up to now.. him being what he is and me being what i am, agreeing in the middle is almost impossible. we did spoke about things whenever problems happened but knowing him, he still cannot comprehend my ways and of course, knowing myself, i too cannot comprehend his ways.
at this point, i don't know how to sustain his love to me as i am only living on thin line of hope. selfish hope that i am and will be the one and only.
i guess working together is not a good idea but the combination of our ideology on ideas are not bad at all. in fact it has proven a success despite the yelling and crying and burnt out talks. again, there's a conflict.
at this moment, i have a secret dream. hopefully it will come true in years to come. and in years to come, we probably can meet in a middle of understanding. maturity and normality can probably reveal more about ourselves. at this moment, i learn that i can love mr. s more and more everyday. at certain point, i am afraid that if he do not feel the same and if someday i'll be the one who is pushing him away.
i still do not know the answer to all my questions but i hope love will conquer all.
cut out my tongue, tear out my hair, cut off my limbs, but leave me my love, i would rather have lost my legs, pulled out my teeth, gouged out my eyes, than lost my love..........
Thursday, April 24, 2008
extreme life change
last year mom said it was gonna be a good year for me to get married.. hahahahaha !!! obviously her wish didnt come true.. dont talk abt getting married la, i didn't even find anybody to marry pun.. well, i found five jokers though :)
this year, no special prediction, just a good year for me.. we'll see if it's good.. it did started good..
the ultimate utmost extreme change i did was to dropped all five jokers for a man.. a malay man somemore.. hmmm, kutuk punya kutuk, sangkut..
recently, starting from two months ago, my life changed extremely.. i went back to my events mgmt life, resigned from my deskjob, found someone who really loves me, stage-managing a cabaret show, directing my first play, found a wonderfully-crazy team to work with, also caught the package disease (flu, fever, cough) after 4 years...
as what am telling everybody, it's a crazy month. with not enuf sleep and less memory capacity to think, am dying.. but i am having fun.. still live day by day like before but a bit more organize.. will spend time with my darling every friday to sunday and do everything else either in between or during the weekdays. that includes attending rehearsals and bonding with my creative side, which, mind you, is damn exhausting.
this particular week, i organized a launch gambit for a client in which i cheated a bit. but hey, client was superbly happy, thanking my crew and me for a great launch moment. since they gave me a very ciput budget, i did what i could - instead of perspex we used mirror, instead of velvet we used satin, instead of electrical confetti we used manual party poopers, instead of pyro we used orange skydancers, instead of static globe we used round lampu pagar.. hehehhehe, smart huh..
today, i spent 10 hrs in a dance rehearsal taking notes on the casts and dancers positioning for the cabaret show.. the casts catch up very fast and the dancers, being dancers, dance beautifully.. we are one week to show. all production team are on the ball.
now i can still breath. once the show start, i will be in charge of the show. all cues are on my head. all cues means front-of-house cues, sound cues, lighting cues, wardrobe changes & scene changes. for 10 days, 2 hrs every day, my head will be on the line. of course i will have my technical & stage team to help me make sure that my head will still be attached to my body.
if i live to see the end of the show, i will have to go straight to directing my play pulak..
c'est la vie ! cheers :)
this year, no special prediction, just a good year for me.. we'll see if it's good.. it did started good..
the ultimate utmost extreme change i did was to dropped all five jokers for a man.. a malay man somemore.. hmmm, kutuk punya kutuk, sangkut..
recently, starting from two months ago, my life changed extremely.. i went back to my events mgmt life, resigned from my deskjob, found someone who really loves me, stage-managing a cabaret show, directing my first play, found a wonderfully-crazy team to work with, also caught the package disease (flu, fever, cough) after 4 years...
as what am telling everybody, it's a crazy month. with not enuf sleep and less memory capacity to think, am dying.. but i am having fun.. still live day by day like before but a bit more organize.. will spend time with my darling every friday to sunday and do everything else either in between or during the weekdays. that includes attending rehearsals and bonding with my creative side, which, mind you, is damn exhausting.
this particular week, i organized a launch gambit for a client in which i cheated a bit. but hey, client was superbly happy, thanking my crew and me for a great launch moment. since they gave me a very ciput budget, i did what i could - instead of perspex we used mirror, instead of velvet we used satin, instead of electrical confetti we used manual party poopers, instead of pyro we used orange skydancers, instead of static globe we used round lampu pagar.. hehehhehe, smart huh..
today, i spent 10 hrs in a dance rehearsal taking notes on the casts and dancers positioning for the cabaret show.. the casts catch up very fast and the dancers, being dancers, dance beautifully.. we are one week to show. all production team are on the ball.
now i can still breath. once the show start, i will be in charge of the show. all cues are on my head. all cues means front-of-house cues, sound cues, lighting cues, wardrobe changes & scene changes. for 10 days, 2 hrs every day, my head will be on the line. of course i will have my technical & stage team to help me make sure that my head will still be attached to my body.
if i live to see the end of the show, i will have to go straight to directing my play pulak..
c'est la vie ! cheers :)
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
destiny - written, sealed !
after spm i've worked in an engineering co. and a pizza parlor. then spent many years pretending to be a student taking up diploma, advance diploma, degree and master, in accounting and management. after all that, i don't know why i even bothered coz it i still couldn't find any job.
then, a friend introduced me to her cousin who then offered me a job in her company - events management co. i found my destiny.
the exhaustion, physical and emotional stress level are high but the satisfaction of executing the works are extremely sweet, indescribable...
after a few years, in 2003, convinced that experience and knowledge already on-hand, i registered my own events management co - EVENTS TO GO.
then, in 2006, i ventured into theatre management. learning about stage production. for a person who already has events background, a performing stage is much easier to manage. only the people are more sensitive and deep, a different kind of fun.
early this year, realizing again that deskjob is slowly killing me, i decided to open up a production co. of my own - D'LAHARIANZ PRODUCTION.
i realized that with handling crisis management as my best skill, i cannot sit on my butt 9-5 and i have to be my own boss.
now with 2 companies, a freelance job, a rational biz & life partner, a crazy & hardworking bunch of team, - i am happy and extremely exhausted...
c'est la vie ! cheers :)
then, a friend introduced me to her cousin who then offered me a job in her company - events management co. i found my destiny.
the exhaustion, physical and emotional stress level are high but the satisfaction of executing the works are extremely sweet, indescribable...
after a few years, in 2003, convinced that experience and knowledge already on-hand, i registered my own events management co - EVENTS TO GO.
then, in 2006, i ventured into theatre management. learning about stage production. for a person who already has events background, a performing stage is much easier to manage. only the people are more sensitive and deep, a different kind of fun.
early this year, realizing again that deskjob is slowly killing me, i decided to open up a production co. of my own - D'LAHARIANZ PRODUCTION.
i realized that with handling crisis management as my best skill, i cannot sit on my butt 9-5 and i have to be my own boss.
now with 2 companies, a freelance job, a rational biz & life partner, a crazy & hardworking bunch of team, - i am happy and extremely exhausted...
c'est la vie ! cheers :)
Monday, April 21, 2008
new beginning...
there is hope.. is it ?
2008 started wonderfully excellent for me. the best since at least a decade ago. life is good. love is good. logic and magic coincide. am flying high, god, please don't let me fall !
I fell in love…
Yes, very common but not common for me. I like people, I don’t love people ! How can a person with a heart made of the hardest substance, can fall in love ? I try to reason with my own logic – attempt failed. So I start asking S, how did he make me fall for him. Answer was - connection, chemistry… hmmm, maybe I lost the definition of love that I lost what in the world is he talking about. ~
Ok, a bit of history.. the last I fell for someone was a decade ago. It didn’t work out, so I start flirting. Heart close until further notice. Set myself a very high criteria so I will not fall again. A very subtle way of vengeance. Hide myself inside myself. Hide in my destiny – the entertainment industry, where pretending is a common. So I can pretend and not let any soul know who I really was or am.
A decade. A decade and S changed me in a second ! hmmmmm… Love the way he loves me. Love everything about him. And I learn to love myself now. Oh well, that is a person in love talking… Love his answer to a certain question – “I am the most qualified !”.. Smart !
Maybe I think I am too smart so I needed somebody smarter. And to think that I can’t get any smarter guy in a decade, - was it something wrong with me or something wrong with the general male species ?... I wonder..
My dearest darling S, i love u so very much, i believe u do love me too. So pls God, begging U, i think i deserve my happiness this time around..
So, as for now, two months later, I have elevated from cloud nine to cloud ninety-nine :) This is going two ways – either I am gonna be the happily ever after fairy tale princess or I am gonna crash boom bang and die !
Will update :)
there is hope, is it..................????
c'est la vie ! cheers :)
2008 started wonderfully excellent for me. the best since at least a decade ago. life is good. love is good. logic and magic coincide. am flying high, god, please don't let me fall !
I fell in love…
Yes, very common but not common for me. I like people, I don’t love people ! How can a person with a heart made of the hardest substance, can fall in love ? I try to reason with my own logic – attempt failed. So I start asking S, how did he make me fall for him. Answer was - connection, chemistry… hmmm, maybe I lost the definition of love that I lost what in the world is he talking about. ~
Ok, a bit of history.. the last I fell for someone was a decade ago. It didn’t work out, so I start flirting. Heart close until further notice. Set myself a very high criteria so I will not fall again. A very subtle way of vengeance. Hide myself inside myself. Hide in my destiny – the entertainment industry, where pretending is a common. So I can pretend and not let any soul know who I really was or am.
A decade. A decade and S changed me in a second ! hmmmmm… Love the way he loves me. Love everything about him. And I learn to love myself now. Oh well, that is a person in love talking… Love his answer to a certain question – “I am the most qualified !”.. Smart !
Maybe I think I am too smart so I needed somebody smarter. And to think that I can’t get any smarter guy in a decade, - was it something wrong with me or something wrong with the general male species ?... I wonder..
My dearest darling S, i love u so very much, i believe u do love me too. So pls God, begging U, i think i deserve my happiness this time around..
So, as for now, two months later, I have elevated from cloud nine to cloud ninety-nine :) This is going two ways – either I am gonna be the happily ever after fairy tale princess or I am gonna crash boom bang and die !
Will update :)
there is hope, is it..................????
c'est la vie ! cheers :)
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